Feb 082013
 

I thought it was in my past.  It was over.  Done.  Then a Valentine’s day escapade left me sitting on our kitchen floor, crying.  And I knew I had a problem.

Exactly one year ago I realized perfectionism still had it’s hold on me.

After my holiday melt down, I wrote this reflection and I want to share it with you as we explore what it looks like to let our perfectionism go.  What it looks like to actually embrace our imperfections.

Recognition is vital to change.  This was my moment of recognition last year.

**********

On Valentines Day, I took a picture of the valentines we – excuse me – I made for a couple of Harper’s friends.   I posted the picture on Instagram and Facebook and received all kinds of positive feedback from my “mommy-friends”.

Immediately, I was struck by truth from the Holy Spirit: this looks perfect… but you know, Audi, it was not perfect.  Other women need to be reminded of this.

I had pure intentions. I had set out to create activities Harper and I could do together, to bond over.  But I had imagined this perfect craft day in my head for so long, I became determined for it to happen exactly as I pictured.  We made hand painted cards, kid valentines and considered baking something yummy.  But by the time it came to baking, we had already had a major melt down.  And by “we”, I mean ME.

In my flurry to create that perfect craft day, I didn’t notice my little girl needed me to slow down.  I had become Major General Audi Swift. The result: a major tantrum and I wound up on the kitchen floor, with tears streaming down my face.  The tides of perfectionism and comparison had pulled me in.

Later that night, mulling over our catastrophe, I was struck by a few things:

  • I had set out that day to be perfect, not real, but perfect.  I had fallen for the trap of comparing myself to other mommy-friends who always do the craft-holiday thing well, and their kids seem to be completely compliant with the process.  I was going to bulldoze my way to the same result if I had to.
  • I had allowed myself to get too busy and too overwhelmed to stop and respond appropriately to the specific needs of my child.  I forget that my day needs to allow for fluidity.  Sometimes the check list needs to wait.
  • I also, and most importantly, realized I had misplaced my priorities.  Reading my Bible and praying were on the back burner.  Without intentional focus on these things and listening to the Holy Spirit, I am lost.  Chaos and confusion set in.

I read a quote recently by Theodore Roosevelt that said,

“Comparison is the thief of joy”.

This is the truth:  We live in a culture that thrives on comparing people, looks, talents, worth, status, careers, etc. It’s easy for us, as women, to get trapped in this. Comparison plagues and poisons us.

Everything within me says Jesus never intended this for us!

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”  Psalm 139:14

It is my prayer today that our souls may know this very well, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  I want to grow to appreciate who God has created us to be, to be grateful for the gifts and talents He has given me, and to be joyful for the gifts and talents He has given others.

When have you found yourself comparing yourself to others?  Would you join me in laying aside the facade of perfectionism and not allow comparison to steal your joy? 

Admin

Admin

© 2012 Standing on Peace

Share
Feb 042013
 

MY HUSBAND DREADS THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY.  FOR GOOD REASON. It is the month I put my princess tiara on and dream crazy big.  Not only does February include Valentines day, it’s also the month of my birthday.

What if my prince surprises me for my birthday with a romantic getaway to an exotic island and takes me dancing?  What if my prince puts rose peddles all over our home, writes and sings me a love song, and behind my back makes homemade Valentines cards for me with my girls?

The truth is, when February hits, my mind, heart, and attitude do a 180 degree shift. I draw into me.  I dwell on how tired I am.  Tired of giving.  Tired of me as a mother in which I am not thanked, affirmed or seeming to be valued.  Tired of me as a wife who feels more like the maid then the maiden.  Tired of listening to The Voice that says, take up your cross daily and follow me.  I instead choose to listen to the voice that says you deserve more than this, you have rights, so hold to them.

The problem comes when my prince can never seem to live up to my princess expectations.  Whatever he plans for my birthday or Valentines, it is never enough.

I must take my dreamy dreams into my own hands.  I pointedly share with my husband about my good friend’s  surprise massage she got for her birthday, I start my birthday countdown atleast one month in advance (bringing it up in conversation whenever possible), I plan my own party, and I make sure I make the choices for activities, lunch and dinners all month.

It is my turn to have my needs considered before everyone else. I should be served.  I am woman, hear me roar!

My meddling puts undo stress on the family and leads to unnecessary disagreements between my husband and I.  Result:  This princess is left feeling anything but pampered.

Bottom line:  I am selfish. (I am slow when it comes to my faults.  Thank goodness for a God of patience and grace.)   I hold to my rights.  I want to be served.

Our attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  Phil 2:5-7

I want this February 2013 to be different.  I need to practice being a servant like Jesus.   To be selfless rather than selfish.  (Instead of thinking, what are you going to do for me?  I want to think, what can I do for you?)  To practice laying down my rights and trusting God to meet all my needs.  If my God can wash dirty, smelly feet, then I can cook, and clean, and be grateful doing it.

I am thankful for another year with a healthy body, my girls to snuggle, a loving husband, food to cook, clothes to wear, with friends to laugh with, with a blog to write on, and so much more.   So happy birthday to me!

I may not always be pampered as an earthly princess would be, but I can have joy, purpose and eternal rewards in serving as a daughter of the King.  I am spoiled beyond words.

Fittingly, the song “I will follow Christ” came on as I was in the middle of writing this post.  Coincidence, I think not!

I will wear the name of Jesus, I will give him ALL my RIGHTS

As for me no matter what the sacrifice

I will follow Christ

“And Christ’s love compels us…And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died for them and was raised again.”  2 Cor 5:14a,15

Jillian

Jillian

© 2012 Standing on Peace

Share