IT WOULD BE FIVE NIGHTS AWAY FROM MY GIRLS. AND I HONESTLY I COULDN’T WAIT. My anticipation of the trip made the 50 overnight preparations for the girls somewhat bearable.
Then somewhere along the way my attitude of happiness changed. As I was waiting to pre-board our plane at the Portland airport, I started re-thinking my decision to go on the trip. That right there was my problem. I started thinking. I doubted myself.
“Am I being selfish for leaving the girls?” “Am I a terrible mother?” Yes I thought it. Yes I held onto the lie. Yes it became my reality. I shed a tear. And I was stricken with guilt.
Webster’s defines guilt in 2 ways:
1. The fact or state of having committed an offense.
2. A feeling of responsibility or remorse of some offense, or wrong. Whether real or imagined.
The 2nd definition is the guilt I experienced when I was leaving my girls. It is the remorseful feeling that I fight often. And the terrible thing is it is an unjustified feeling 99% of the time. It is all in my head. It is not truth.
But I started to feel the same guilt as if I had actually committed sin. (See the first definition of guilt above.) My guilt was founded on our cultural norms, and Satan’s lies in my mind rather than the Word of God. I had allowed Satan’s questioning and opinions of others to dictate my thinking.
The “guilt cloud” had hovered over me again.
The Guilt Cloud Analogy
In Oregon we are used to the grey, cloudy, overcast days. We have become accustom to living in the dreariness. It is especially a bummer because many times with clouds comes rain. And when rain hits, it spoils all our outdoor fun.
Sometimes we are so focused on the bad weather outside that it cripples us to participate in other activities.
We do however look forward to the days of blue skies and sun. Everything is brighter. We are full of joy on sunny days. If I could choose a day of cloud sky or clear sky, I would choose clear sky every time.
The “guilt cloud” in my life is much the same. I lack the ability to have joy because of the “weather” in my mind.
There is a darkness that dictates all my thoughts and decisions. I compare myself to others. I feel bad about myself.
The bad news is we can’t choose what the weather will be like in Oregon. The good news is that we can choose what the “weather” will be like in our minds today. We can choose to keep the “guilt cloud” hovering or we can choose to embrace God’s sunny day of truth.
- A VERSE TO PONDER: Col. 2:8 “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.”
- What is your favorite season and why?
© 2012 Standing on Peace