Jun 292017
 

Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Phil 1:6

This season has been a humbling one.  Bummer, right?  You may have experienced this season I am speaking to in which everything in you is crying out to “be known” and you get to the end of a day and wonder, “Did anyone actually see me?  Did anyone actually care about me?”  And you recognize in your mind that God see’s you and love’s you, but somehow there is a disconnect between your mind and heart?  If so, I feel you sister.  But let me tell you, within a series of discouraging days/occurences, I strangely found hope.

The season of “being the chair”-It all started with a real, Spirit inspired dream and passion to “speak life” to other women.  So I set out to get some speaking engagements lined up (thinking, well if the Lord is calling me to this I am sure ALL doors will open wide.) and after months of call after call after email after video email after Facebook after flyer I was flooded with an overwhelming unanimous response-NO.  NOT interested, NOT at this time, NOT what we’re looking for, NOT-You.  I wish I could say my faith soared to new heights as the rejections kept coming, but I can’t.  The discouragement bug took me to a devastated place.  I began to go down the “I am NOT” train of self pity and honestly didn’t want to get off it.  I began to entertain the lies of the enemies which spoke into my identity and said, “You are not good enough of a speaker”, “You aren’t special in any way”, “You don’t have a big God given plan”, “You were made to only assist other’s in their talents/dreams”, “Others are so much more gifted than you are”….and the infiltration of the enemies barrage kept up in full force in my mind and heart.

And I told God, “I am NOT useable to you”, and sweetly and ever so gently this God phrase was highlighted in my mind above all the other yuck-“Are you willing to be the chair?”.  “Hmmmm….I am not quite sure I am tracking with you, Lord.”  Since my slowness usually calls for a follow up question I responded back by saying, “God, what do you mean, what do you have to say about what it means to be the chair?”  And in my mind I imagined a simple, wooden, no frills chair with Jesus sitting on it and I heard my “inside out” God say to me in love, “You are the chair, your job is to support me and hold me up.  It’s not all about you and making your name known, it’s about glorifying my name and making me known to the world.  You serve me only-an audience of one, not other’s view’s or opinion’s of you.”  Wow.  I realized in that interaction that it would be a challenging season up ahead for my little ol pride.

Even though the Lord in His goodness gave me a “heads up” that there would be rejections, overlookings, and many times of me feeling less than, it still hurts.

A couple days ago, I got a hard rejection and I had a plan to go pick strawberries with my Mom, sister in law (and her 2 year old and my 18 month old (I mean you gotta live on the edge every now and then, am I right?)  So as I was taking a shower (no shaving, no lingering as to attend to my little one) I had a break down.  I cried because I felt I couldn’t take another discouraging thing happen to me.  Life was getting me down people!  So as the tears mixed with water happened I spoke outloud to God and said, “Lord I need your love, I need to know your good purposes for me are in store.  But God impressed upon me words to a song,

“If the struggle you’re facing, is slowly replacing your hope, with despair.  Or the process is long and your losing your song in the night.  You can be sure that the Lord has His hand on you, safe and secure, He will never abandon you.  You are His treasure, and He finds His pleasure in you.” 

I cried some more, because this song my loving God gave me spoke directly to my hearts need.  And I couldn’t remember the songs chorus-I wanted more of the God given affirmation.  Then the chorus finally came to me, and it was well worth the wait-

“He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it, will be faithful to complete it.  He who started the work, will be faithful to complete it in you.”  And now the floodgates really opened- water, tears, water, tears.  Our God is faithful.  Just as He pulled David out of the menial, lowly, servant going task of tending the sheep to be King over Israel (even when ALL others-God’s ministers, his family, all others thought it would have to be someone else), so our God is faithful to start a work in us and continue to work in us in order to sanctify us/make us like Jesus to fulfill our God given purpose in HIS TIMING and in His “inside out” ways.

So… take this truth to the bank and cash it in today my friend if you are questioning your self worth/God given dream right now because I am right there with you.  His plans for you are good, you were made for a specific purpose, and you can trust He is working it out even now in the hard.  Persevere.  Receive His love today.  Wait on Him.  Fix your eyes on Jesus in this storm.  And He will hold you up, give you strength, give you peace, give you hope, and encourage your soul.

Jillian

Jillian

© 2012 Standing on Peace

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  One Response to “Striving to “Be known””

  1. […] and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love Eph 4:2 It all started with my season of “being the chair”. To sum it up, this lovely season was about me being humbled and waiting.  It was about the […]

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