Sep 262012

As long as I can remember I have struggled with negative self-talk and condemnation. Never believing I was good enough. The simplest mistake would start the tape rolling. “I’m stupid, bad, a failure, I shouldn’t have ever tried.”

It only got worse once I became a mom. Fear of “doing it wrong” plagued my mind. Almost every time I lost my patience or the situation was difficult, I would hear “you never should have become a mom, what were you thinking?! You weren’t meant for this!”

By the Grace of God and being intentional with my thoughts my negative self-talk is a lot quieter. It still pops up from time to time but it no longer has control.

What is negative self-talk? It is self-blame. Self-condemnation. Self-limiting messages. Breaking this habit is possible, though it takes effort.

Some common negative thoughts:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • I’m ugly.
  • I’m too fat/tall/short/young/old.
  • I’m stupid.
  • I am not lovable.
  • I am a bad parent.
  • There is something wrong with me.
  • I never have enough time.
  • I don’t deserve …
  • I can’t …
  • I’m a failure.
  • I’m not worth it.

Negative self-talk can be automatic. Often we aren’t even aware our tape is playing.

Do you experience negative thoughts? The first step in changing negative self-talk is recognizing it.

The second step is discovering what triggers it. Over the next few days pay close attention to your thoughts. Is there a tape of negative self-talk that starts when you are upset, frustrated or something has gone wrong?


  5 Responses to “You mean I’m not as bad as I think I am? Part One – Recognizing negative self-talk”

  1. […] as in my posts about negative self-talk, it takes time and hard work, but if you continually work at it you can learn to recognize your […]

  2. […] cycle ended in failure which was devastating. My negative self-talk would start and I would feel as though I […]

  3. […] Comparison quickly turns to negative-self talk. […]

  4. This morning was chaos. It was the “missing one” morning: missing one sock, missing one juice box, one helmet, one pair of underwear. I think to myself, “I failed again….” I put myself down for not being organized and I think about all of the other parents I know, who also have three children, and somehow seem to have it all together.

    • Thank you for sharing. I’ve experienced many mornings rushing out the door, upset with my girls and upset with myself. The reality is mothering is hard and even though the other parents seem like they have it all together, more than likely they feel the same way too. 🙂

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