Apr 102013
 

A few years ago if you asked me to describe myself, I would probably include perfectionism as one of my characteristics.

Since I was a child, I have been trapped by the ideal of perfectionism.

In a way perfectionism is a personality trait. A way of characterizing oneself which is seen in a person’s striving for excellence and setting extremely high expectations. Along with the excessive need for perfection comes critical self perceptions.

My perfectionism was revealed in my school performance. I worked not just for good grades, but excellent grades. A perfect 🙂 (no pun intended!) example of this happened my junior year in high school. I sat before my Spanish teacher in tears over a B+.

It was not just my grades that were important. In order for me to be an outstanding student, I had to be involved. I was editor of the school newsletter, class treasure and a junior commissioner. Just to name a few. On top of all that, I danced 5 days a week. Ballet was my escape, however Ballet also required excellence.

As an adult, my perfectionism was reflected in my need to keep an orderly and clean home. To have well-behaved and well-dressed children. To be the text book homemaker and wife.

My continual striving to meet high standards often left me feeling inadequate. I was measuring my self-worth based on performance and how others perceived me. I was convinced that perfectionism was a real and tangible goal. If I only tried hard enough, I would someday achieve it.  These were my feelings up until just a couple years ago when God started to reveal the truth .

I realized perfectionism is a lie. It is unrealistic. It does not exist. I have experienced the dangerous cycle of perfectionism.

The cycle would always end in one of two ways:

1.  My hard work paid off and I was successful, therefore feeding the lie that one day I may be perfect.

2. The cycle ended in failure which was devastating. My negative self-talk would start and I would feel as though I was unworthy.

Although perfectionism is not inherently a bad personality trait it puts you in danger of depression, low-self worth and an over dependence on the high appraisal from others.

Do you struggle with perfectionism?

If so, how has it impacted your outlook on life?

 

Admin

Admin

© 2012 Standing on Peace

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  One Response to “I was held captive by perfectionism”

  1. […] weeks ago I shared how I have been trapped by perfectionism ever since I was a young child. Up until a few years ago I was convinced that perfection […]

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