Hungry. Starving. Famished.
This has been my state of mind over the past week and a half. In reality, however, I’m not any of these words.
To heal my body from various symptoms, my naturopath instructed me to maintain a specific diet for six weeks. I’m to stay away from:
- Cow’s milk
- Peanut butter/almonds
- A number of fruits
- Some veggies
- And the topper of all toppers, SUGAR.
I know in my head, six weeks is nothing. I’ll blink and it will be over. But, since I am at the beginning, she might as well have told me “no more happiness for the next six weeks!”.
I’m eating more vegetables, quinoa, rice and coconut products than ever before in my life.
This barrage of food rules has steamrolled into my life and made me crazy. I cling to the foundation of maintaining a plant-based diet and enjoying everything else in moderation. Letting go of literally ALL food rules has been my saving grace. Becoming educated on how to eat healthy most of the time and then learning to be free to indulge here and there (with out guilt I must add) is what brought me out of my eating disorder. It’s what keeps me completely un-intrigued with any sort of fad diet . It’s what I hope to instill in my kids.
Extremism is what I’ve been allergic to. It’s why I stay away from fad diets: don’t eat any carbs, eat only lean protein, don’t eat any sugar, never eat more than “x” number of calories, eat this but don’t eat that, etc. These are the extremes that make me go crazy. I don’t want food to control me again.
As I stood at the sink washing dishes, a question was pressed on my mind: When it comes to food and weight, why do I tend to leave God out of it?
Why does prayer seem to be my last resort? In the past, it was only after I had tried every diet and failed . Now, it’s only after I’ve come to my wits end as to how to break my obsessive food thoughts. Only after I’ve looked into the mirror for the gazillionth time and felt ashamed.
If we really believe our God to be so big, so caring, so intricately involved in our life… Why is He the last One we call on to help us experience freedom in this area?
Recently, I’ve been overwhelmingly moved to see my daughter bloom in regard to her prayer life. She used to never, and I mean never, want to pray with me. Even though I felt discouraged at times, I continued trying to show her how prayer impacts my daily life.
So I’ve stopped to pray with her in different circumstances: when she’s scared, when she’s sad, when she gets hurt, when she’s nervous to go to school, when she feels empathy for a friend when they get hurt.
Now, she is stopping throughout her day to pray – on her own. It’s simply precious. But it dawned on me: It wasn’t natural to her. It took her practicing prayer for it to become her first response.
Food obsessions and battles are areas we so easily compartmentalize. We think we can control them. We think we can have all the discipline, all the answers to reach our desired result. We need to let go instead of hold on, focus on Him instead of our food, experience His peace instead of anxiety and fear. And experiencing His peace simply means we recognize He is present with us.
I am going to be practicing going to the Lord first, with my food battles instead of stewing in my worry. I have six weeks to practice. And I want it to be a faith-filled experience rather than a faith-less one.
Are you experiencing any food obsessions or battles? Are you inviting God into the struggle or are you saving Him for your last resort?
© 2012 Standing on Peace