Have you ever been unable to stop yourself from ruining a moment you knew should be absolutely joyful? I have. I almost ruined an entire day in Paris.
Not long ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to be in Paris. We were
without kids so we were enjoying calling the shots of our schedule. One particular morning we had planned on getting up and going for a run together.
But, when the alarm went off, I could barely peel my eyes open, let alone move my body. My husband asked if I would like to join him, I mumbled something about sleeping and I was left in beautiful silence for about an hour more.
It was beautiful.
Until I regained consciousness and realized I hadn’t gone running. Instantly, a sweep of guilt, even anger, took over.
How could I be so lazy? To actually miss running… in Paris nonetheless? My hubby clearly was not lazy. Why couldn’t I be like him? Now he’ll be able to eat one more croissant than me!
I was literally disgusted with myself.
I quickly got ready and headed down to breakfast with my husband. My grumpy mood hung over our table like a soggy blanket. It was depressing, uncomfortable, unenjoyable and made you want to be just about anywhere else.
I let my idealism and perfectionism completely steal my joy. In a moment when I wish I could have let all expectations go, I was comparing myself. Stepping into that old trap of counting calories when I didn’t need to be. I was labeling myself as a failure when that was the furthest from the truth.
I didn’t account for the fact that a parent desperately needs sleep when the kids aren’t around. Or the fact we were jet-lagged. I didn’t allow myself any allotment of grace.
I was rooting my identity in exterior standards, rather than who God says I am:
I am loved, adopted, chosen, accepted, redeemed. (from Ephesians 1:3-14)
Thankfully my husband and I can talk about these deeper things without too much pain. I’m thankful to have someone else in my life who can help me see truth. Sometimes we need someone else to help us wake up. To splash the cold water of truth in our face.
Recognition is always the first step to healing, right? We need to start recognizing when our ideals or the world’s perfectionism is calling the shots. When someone or something other than God dictates how we see ourselves.
Is your identity in your being perfect or is it in who Christ says you are?
© 2012 Standing on Peace